the onion is now three hundred times better

If you've never read The Onion, I don't know what, exactly, is wrong with you. If you read it online once a week, you probably know that a while back the site went bad - the site design was poor and you had to pay to see the archives.

But now everything's changed: there's a new site design, added content, and, best of all, free access to the entirety of their archives. That means I can now link to such classics as Republicans, Dadaists Declare War On Art or Massachusetts Supreme Court Orders All Citizens To Gay Marry.

who is the boss?

My friend Ed is ressurecting Who's The Boss. The basic premise is that it's the "Who would win in a fight between..." game taken to a new level: a big competition with 128 people/things/places, where readers vote by leaving comments. The one with the most votes wins and moves on to the next round. It starts tomorrow, so click on over and get voting.

where to get hurricane katrina information

It seems Boing Boing has become an excellent portal to all kinds of information on Hurricane Katrina: news reports, citizen journalism, help requests, etc. Most of their posts right now concern the hurricane, but you can also search (Ctrl + F) "Katrina" to find all of them.

growing lettuce on mars

Take a virtual tour of the Canadian Space Agency. Be sure to check out the Mars Lettuce, which is awesome.

arcade fire videos

Via the ArcadeFire.net forums, I finally tracked down the music video for the Arcade Fire song "Laika". There are also links to (unofficial) downloadable versions of the other two videos - "Rebellion (Lies)" and "Neighbourhood #3 (Power Out)". I'll include the links to the places you're supposed to go and stream these videos from, just to be all official about it, but I'm pretty sure the "Laika" one is only available in a shady manner.

Laika: Windows Media Player version; Quicktime version

Rebellion (Lies): Quicktime version; stream it at MTV.com

Neighbourhood #3 (Power Out): Windows Media Player version; Quicktime version; stream it at Atom Films

The "Power Out" video was new to me - it stars a bunch of weird little animated kids who are at once menacing and endearing. It was made by Plates Animation. The "Laika" video is also animated; watch for the faces of the band members in the background.

akron/family and great lake swimmers

I was thinking of writing something about the show I saw the other night, but I don't really do concert reviews, and someone beat me to it anyway. All I can add is that I was not undecided about Akron/Family (they were awesome). I ended up buying Great Lake Swimmers' new album as well as Akron/Family's self-titled. Here's a track from each, to convince you to (a) buy the albums, and (b) see these bands when they come through your town on their tour.

Great Lake Swimmers - Various Stages [mp3, 3 MB; buy the album]

Akron/Family - Suchness [mp3, 4 MB; buy the album]

The first track struck me when they played it live. The second track somehow gives the listener a taste of both the album and the band's live show, despite the striking difference between the two.

the universe is shriveling into a raisin

There is a beautiful new episode of A Lesson Is Learned But The Damage Is Irreversible up. I suppose it has a happy ending: David gets his revenge.

staying the course

With 58% of the US disapproving of Bush's handling of Iraq and a steady torrent of Iraqi and American casualties, Dubya seems to have finally realized that something needs to change. That's why he announced, in a press conference yesterday, that he's going to keep doing exactly the same thing.

His argument, though, is sound: Terrorists are converging on Iraq [because the US invaded the country on completely false pretenses and is now refusing to leave], so we need to stick around to fight 'em.

My favourite quote? "So long as I'm the president, we will stay, we will fight, and we will win the war on terror." Huzzah! How I look forward to a day when terror is vanquished, when the Prime Minister of Terror lays his arms at Dubya's feet and marches proudly to the gallows. For then shall the terrible Terror Army Squads be no more and we can live in peace once again.

(Read the Reuters article.)

google talk

Today, Google released Google Talk, an instant messaging program combined with VoIP. I haven't been around a Windows box to try it out yet, but it sounds like it's going to be pretty nifty. The best things is that if you have a microphone and a speaker, you can press one button and talk online to anyone else running Google Talk. Another is that it uses the Jabber protocol, so there are already hundreds of other clients out there - I'm already connected on Gaim. If you've got a gmail account, drop me a line so I can add you. If you don't, I have 50 invites left. I don't have a microphone, but it's just as good an IM as anything.

I've wanted to abandon my hotmail account for a long time now, but the main drawback was MSN messenger. I'd like it if this thing caught on so I can ditch that account for good.

canada valiantly defends uninhabited rock

Canada has sent two warships up into the Arctic to defend a small piece of uninhabited rock called Hans Island. Apparently the Danes are invading visited it this one time, so the warships will, you know, stop them from doing that. According to the Globe and Mail:

"The 1.3-kilometre stretch of windswept rock, which is smaller than many nearby icebergs [...] was briefly home to a scientific station in the 1940s." (full article)

And Optimus, as usual, misses the point entirely.

ramen

If you haven't heard of Pastafarianism you've obviously been doing something productive with your life lately. It's all over the internet: a new religion that worships Flying Spaghetti Monster (pictured at right), created in response to the Kansas State School Board's decision to teach Intelligent Design in schools alongside the theory of evolution.

When Boing Boing posted about this a few days ago, they got a snappy email telling them about a Dr Kent Hovind, who is "willing to pay any individual a quarter of a million dollars to anyone who can give any empirical evidence for evolution".

Boing Boing's response?

"We are willing to pay any individual $250,000 if they can produce empirical evidence which proves that Jesus is not the son of the Flying Spaghetti Monster."

Pastafarianism home page; Flying Spaghetti Monster Wikipedia entry; "15 answers to Creationist nonsense".

do they know it's hallowe'en tonight?

Vice Records has produced this astounding song called "Do They Know It's Hallowe'en Tonight?". Starring a whole host of indie rock stars (Wolf Parade, Sonic Youth, Arcade Fire, Beck, Feist, Peaches, etc), the song is a parody of such patronizing benefit rock songs as "Do They Know It's Christmas?". I think it's a great song, but listen at least to hear David Cross getting freaked out by his friends.

Listen to it here; click here to read the lyrics and see who's singin'.

images from livejournals

This photo was found on Livejournal Images; it comes from this livejournal. I hope the author, Alexey Makarov, doesn't mind my using it here. Click the image to see it full-sized.

Update: Read all the critiques and conspiracy theories by clicking the "Comments" link below.

patently absurd

It looks like Apple may end up paying royalties on every iPod sold - to Microsoft, no less.

Apple apparently neglected to file for a patent on every idea that crossed every employee's mind within 3.1 nanoseconds of said crossing, and Microsoft beat them to the punch on patenting an element of the iPod's interface. But you know what makes the whole scenario truly ridiculous? The iPod was released in 2001, and Microsoft filed for the patent in May 2002. That's right, Microsoft patented an element of a product already released by another company. And not only is the US Patent office upholding this patent, but the industry is chiding Apple for not being "on the ball in terms of filing the patent at the right time." They released the product. Isn't that better than filling out the paperwork?

This is what's wrong with patent law, and why patents for software just don't work. Patents are designed to foster innovation by protecting inventors from being ripped off. But when the "invention" being patented is 4 lines of code - or even the idea of writing 4 lines of code - the main investment is the patent application itself. There are entire companies whose business model is to brainstorm simple ideas that they never plan to implement, translate them into legalese, patent them, and then later sue for royalties from the people who actually do the work. How, exactly, does that foster innovation? "Technology" companies comprised entirely of lawyers offend me. The system is seriously broken, and needs to be fixed.

nyt on iraq: we're on our way out, or should be

This short Frank Rich article from the New York Times captures the current situation pretty well: the world now knows that the Iraq war was started on false pretenses for political motives; the US public's approval of the president's handling of Iraq is at a record low, as is his overall approval rating; the right is crumbling; there is now way to win this "war".

"What lies ahead now in Iraq instead is not victory, which Mr. Bush has never clearly defined anyway, but an exit (or triage) strategy that may echo Johnson's March 1968 plan for retreat from Vietnam. [...]

Now comes the hard task of identifying the leaders who can pick up the pieces of the fiasco that has made us more vulnerable, not less, to the terrorists who struck us four years ago next month."

Read the full article: Someone Tell the President the War Is Over.

ebert versus schneider versus goldstein

Some time ago, SFB reported on the bizarre story of Schneider versus Goldstein. Quick recap: film critic Patrick Goldstein pans Rob Schneider's Deuce Bigalow and its upcoming sequel; Schneider retaliates with a full-page ad in Variety magazine, which reads, in part:

"Maybe, Mr. Goldstein, you didn’t win a Pulitzer Prize because they haven’t invented a category for 'Best Third-Rate, Unfunny Pompous Reporter, Who’s Never Been Acknowledged By His Peers!' "

Well, now that the sequel in question is out in theatres (Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo), Roger Ebert has decided to weigh in on the discussion:

"As chance would have it, I have won the Pulitzer Prize, and so I am qualified. Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks."

Read the full review here.

what really happened at stockwell tube station?

On July 22nd, a day after the second, failed London Underground bombings, police shot and killed a Brazilian man named Jean Charles de Menezes at Stockwell tube station. Initial reports indicated that Menezes was wearing a padded jacket, and that he jumped the turnstiles and ran from police; he was reportedly shot dead to prevent him from activating an explosive device.

It is now known that Menezes was innocent, and that he was wearing a denim jacket and didn't jump any turnstiles. There are a lot of other questions surrounding the case, including whether or not British police identified themselves to the suspect, and what happened to the CCTV cameras that should have recorded the incident.

The Observer has an in-depth article on the story; and the Wikipedia Menezes entry has even more.

there will be a quiz afterward

Think Progress offers this painfully detailed list of all 21 of the Bush administration officials who may have been involved in the Valerie Plame leak.

It is now known that Karl Rove, Bush's Senior Advisor, at least confirmed the fact that Plame was a CIA operative (despite the repeated assurance of the White House that even suggesting such a thing was "ridiculous"). But there is an ongoing investigation to determine which of Bush's cohorts may be guilty of a crime; the investigation has even involved Dubya himself.

As Jon Stewart points out, though, the criminal nature of all of this hardly seems the point anymore. What everyone should be getting worked up about is that Karl Rove and the White House lied over and over by saying that Karl Rove was not involved in any way with the scandal, when he in fact confirmed the leak to Robert Novak, the very reporter who wrote the original article.

(The Daily Show explains the whole story brilliantly in this clip; more Daily Show clips at Comedy Central and all over Google.)

christopher walken for president

It looks like the inimitable Mr Walken is going to run for President in 2008. He will probably get a lot of votes from people who saw him kill a bunch of mortals as the angel Gabriel in The Prophecy, but I don't think the average voter will want to elect someone of whom they are terrified.

PS: This is almost certainly not actually true.

house me and the llama is yours

Do you live in Montreal? Do you have a room for rent? Are you reading this right now? I can help you with all of that if you'll only drop me a line. I need someplace to live and I need it soon; I'm looking for a cheap place around the Plateau - Mile End area. I would be an awesome roommate.

Meanwhile, if you're annoyed at having to read that paragraph, then please: enjoy this photograph of a smiling llama. (As of press time, it is not known whether the photograph has been digitally altered to give the illusion that the llama is content.)

news from above

Welcome home!

NASA sure has been busy lately. You may have heard that Discovery touched down safely on Tuesday, back from 2 weeks at the international space station. There were some concerns about damage due to significant amounts of foam insulation breaking off during launch, which is what caused Columbia's destruction in 2003. Damage turned out to be minor, and a couple spacewalks later the shuttle was given a clean bill of health. NASA emphasized that the reason they're observing this degree of foam shedding is that they're actually looking for it now, and there's no doubt that the situation has improved dramatically from 2 years ago. Even so, further shuttle flights are grounded until the situation is addressed to NASA (and its now-paranoid review board)'s satisfaction. You may recall my opinions on overdoing the safety factor in spaceflight.

The launch of the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter, scheduled for today, has been delayed until tomorrow while they check out a couple of navigation components on its booster rocket. The rocket is a newly-developed Atlas V, designed for heavy lifts, and this launch will mark its first payload. The Orbiter is very exciting: carrying cameras that can resolve objects 3 feet in diameter and deep-ground-penetrating radar, its primary goal is the discovery of underground aquifers (water, people) and it may even be able to find the crashed Beagle probe.

And this is good for a laugh: Space Adventures thinks they can convince people that rather than taking a vacation cruise in the Caribbean, they should go to the moon instead. And that they should pay $100 million for the privilege. They even think they can do it by 2008. Good idea, fellas, but you may want to coordinate your day planners with NASA: they're the only ones planning on having a rocket that could take people to the moon anytime soon. And they won't have it until the Shuttle is phased out. And that's not til 2010. And if I know my US government organizations, by "2010" they mean "when Congress and our board of directors stop haggling over funding. Don't call us, we'll call you. Probably sometime before 2025."

two videos

1) Octopus Vs. Shark: This video will amaze and terrify you. Workers at the aquarium thought the octopus would be able to camouflage itself to avoid becoming shark food. Turns out, they were wrong.

2) Rock Balancing: The men in this video have gained the ability to move rocks just by pointing them. They can also jump around in a vaguely disconcerting manner.

a no-fly list for canada

No fly for you

Did you know that Canada is planning on starting up its own U.S.-style no-fly list? Well, it is, according to Transport Minister Jean Lapierre. At least one person is concerned: Federal Privacy Commissioner Jennifer Stoddart says the plan "represents a serious incursion into the rights of travellers in Canada, rights of privacy and rights of freedom of movement." (CBC)

Maybe Stoddart has heard something about how well the no-fly list is working in the States, where "hundreds, if not thousands" of innocent people are repeatedly "detained, interrogated, delayed, embarrassed, humiliated in front of other passengers," according to a lawsuit filed by the ACLU on Tuesday. (CNN)

bad university students. bad.

According to a study released today, almost half of Canadian university students use pirated software even though they know it's illegal.

...

Well, duh. We're STUDENTS. Let's do an informal SFB poll right now: Raise your hands those of you who need to use, oh, let's say, Microsoft Word for school projects. Now, raise your hands those of you who can afford the $180 student edition price tag on a copy of M$ Office. Oh, plus the $250 price tag on a copy of Windows XP Home, so you can actually run Office (current prices, at Future Shop).

Anyone? No? $430 buys a whole year's worth of Mr. Noodle, you say? Damned right it does. And like all sane, non-patent-lawyer types on the planet, students get upset when the cost of a writing utensil exceeds their cost-of-living budget for the school year.

There's no need to hand Microsoft more than $400 because you want to listen to music, surf the internet and do some word processing. You don't even have to pirate software to do it. Just install Ubuntu Linux. It's free. It's fully featured. They'll even mail you a free CD if you don't want to download it.

new constantines track

Said The Gramophone's got a track from the new Constantines album, Tournament of Hearts, which will come out in October. I finally discovered Shine a Light (their previous album) this summer and couldn't stop listening to it for months on end. See the band's website for upcoming tour dates.

iran resumes uranium processing

Following the election of its new President, Mahmood Ahmadinejad, Iran has resumed refining uranium in Isfahan.

They've been negotiating with the EU for nine months now, and this week summarily rejected an incentive package they described as "trading a pearl for a sweet", declaring the matter closed. It's expected that Iran will be brought before the UN Security Council and sanctioned.

The Bush administration believes that Iran's nuclear program, which Iran maintains is completely civilian in nature, is a front for a nuclear-weapons program. It should be noted that Iran has not yet re-opened their uranium enrichment facility, without which it is impossible to create atomic bombs. Unfortunately, it's also impossible to generate efficient reactor fuel without such a facility.

Personally, I don't see a problem with Iran or any other sovereign nation pursuing nuclear energy for electricity production. They're being closely and voluntarily monitored by the IAEA, and are in compliance with the nuclear non-proliferation treaty. That's exactly why these organizations are in place: If what we really mean by "if you conform to these regulations" is "if you conform to these regulations and we like you", well that's pretty sad. The nuclear cat was let out of the lead-lined bag 60 years ago - and before getting all xenophobic, let's remember which side it was that dropped the bomb.

my girlfriend is a ninja

A juggling, footbagging ninja.

Click for full-sized image, complete with karate-chop action and detailed "hooooooo-aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh" facial expression. She is too fast for you, young grasshopper...

jumping cats

I liked these photos of cats in mid-air; perhaps you will, too.

iraq the sequel: nuke iran

The American Conservative breaks the big news in a one-paragraph afterthought that has yet to be picked up (as far as I know) by almost anyone: in the event of another 9/11-style terrorist attack, Iran will be nuked.

"The Pentagon, acting under instructions from Vice President Dick Cheney’s office, has tasked the United States Strategic Command (STRATCOM) with drawing up a contingency plan to be employed in response to another 9/11-type terrorist attack on the United States. The plan includes a large-scale air assault on Iran employing both conventional and tactical nuclear weapons. [...] As in the case of Iraq, the response is not conditional on Iran actually being involved in the act of terrorism directed against the United States."

Read the full article here (and by "full article" I mean "remaining couple of sentences"); via Fafblog and, in turn, Justin Logan.

spamusement

I'm not entirely convinced that I haven't posted about this before, but you probably wouldn't remember even if I had, and Jared's too far away to be of any help. Spamusement is a comic consisting of "poorly-drawn cartoons inspired by actual spam subject lines". They are funny if you've ever received a spam email. Pictured at right: Cellulite please be gone.

banksy grafs israeli barrier

Banksy, a crazy, political, guerilla artist has struck the infamous West Bank barrier in Israel. The nine paintings, on the Palestinian side of the wall, are all about the other side.

BBC article; see also Banksy's official site.

canada's new governor general

Paul Martin has officially named the next Governor General, to replace Adrienne Clarkson at the end of September: Haitian-born Québecoise Michaëlle Jean, host of such fine CBC/RDI programming as The Passionate Eye and Grands Reportages. [The CBC rocks.] From Michaëlle Jean on Wikipedia:

"Jean will be Canada's first Black Governor General, the third woman — after Adrienne Clarkson and Jeanne Sauvé, the fourth youngest person ... and the fourth journalist to hold the position, as well as the second non-political and civilian to hold a traditional military post."

Read the full entry here; more from the Globe and Mail here.

i'm like a shooting star; i've come so far

While biking along Sherbrooke St in downtown Montreal today, I came up behind a guy driving a flashy silver convertible. He'd been showing off, blaring music and squealing his tires at each green light. As I pulled up beside him at a corner, I realized that the music was a french language version of "A Whole New World".

God I love this city.

lurchin'

Every Sunday in Montreal, a group of kids dress up in Medieval gear, get together in Mount Royal Park, and beat each other with padded weaponry. (See related post here.) Near the beginning of July (give me a break, I've been out of town), the role-players were attacked by a herd of menacing zombies. A nearby McDonalds also fell victim to their slow, shambling attack.

"then it was time to attack, we spotted the nerds from a distance. they outnumbered us heavily. and they had big weapons and big shields. and what did we have? nothing. we're dead. we don't care. we hid in the woods for a moment and then all started screaming our guts out. the duct-tape warriors were all lined up with swords out when we emerged from the woods.

and then started the greatest battle this mountain ever saw."

See this deviantART post and this flickr photoset for further details; more photos on pages 2, 3, and 4 of this thread.