oh, and:

your friend and mine, Jared, has started up a blog of his own. Which is good, because I was running out of places to steal links from.

bicycle dangers, part two

Well, it's happened again. Today I had another near-death bicycle experience, exactly one month and three days after the previous one (discussed here). I think someone is trying to tell me something with this creepy numerology. I was standing up on my pedals, trying to get past a cab, when the metal bit which would normally keep my left pedal attached to the pedal shaft just sheared right off. Once again, I managed to keep upright despite the loss of one of the two things holding me above the road, which was moving below me at about 30 km/h.

Below is a photo of the now-seriously traumatized machine. Exhibit A clearly shows a place where a pedal should be (but isn't); exhibit B shows how bent my rear left seat post has been since getting hit by a car. (Hint: it should be as straight as the one on the right.)

Clicking on the picture makes it bigger!

ELECTION EDITION

BBC News on Iraq Failure: "A study published by the Lancet claims the risk of death by violence for civilians in Iraq is now 58 times higher than before the US-led invasion." (Link)

145 (and counting) reasons to dispatch Bush, such as this one: "As governor of Texas, Bush executed more prisoners (152) than any governor in modern US history. He is also the first president in 40 years to execute a federal prisoner." (Link)

The world wants Kerry to win: "Kerry is favored in Mexico, Canada, Great Britain, Turkey, Spain, France, Indonesia, and China, along with 22 other countries ... with only three out of 35 countries -- Nigeria, the Philippines, and Poland -- supporting Bush." (Link)

Moveon.org's top seven reasons to vote against Bush, including: "the Bush Administration has consistently misled the American public about Iraq." (Link)

The current Administration uses fear to control the population, as evidenced by this video of clips from the recent Republican National Convention. (Link)

Bush is a jerk, as evidenced by this video of him giving you the finger. (Link)

deep thoughts

"If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward." - Jack Handey

more deep thoughts

bush accused of war crimes

Reuters just filed a story about a group in Chile who has officially accused President Bush of war crimes.

"The suit asks local courts to invoke international human rights treaties ratified by both countries and arrest Bush and members of his cabinet for questioning during their visit to Santiago for a summit of Asia Pacific leaders Nov. 19-21."

(full article)

reason number 142

If you haven't yet seen McSweeney's Daily Reason to Dispatch Bush, I urge you to go take a look. Every [week]day it provides readers with another valid reason for a huge people's revolution aimed at dismembering the current U.S. administration. These reasons include disastrous policies, dangerous errors of judgement, exposed falsehoods and classic Bushisms. Today's reason begins as follows:

Over 100 high-level officials appointed by the Bush administration now oversee industries they previously represented as lobbyists, lawyers, or company advocates. Many of those appointees have pushed for more favorable policies for their respective industries from within the Food and Drug Administration, the Environmental Protection Agency, the Interior Department, and other agencies. Six have been the subject of ethics investigations or have resigned due to conflicts of interest.

(read more)

And, since November 2nd is so terrifyingly close, and in case reading those 142 compelling facts somehow didn't convince you to vote for Kerry, why not take a few minutes to read this fascinating biography of the president who truly believes that "the human being and the fish can coexist peacefully."

games

If you liked that other game, Treasure Box, you'll also like this game called Samorost. And the person who made Samorost also made Quest For The Rest, which features music by, and members of, a band called Polyphonic Spree. And then there's Balloon Face, which is unsettling yet fun.

bush is definitely not my homie

Eminem doesn't think Bush should be president, and, in typical Eminem fashion, he wrote a hot new rap song about it. Good for him! He also claimed that Bush is not his "homie", in a recent Rolling Stone interview.

In other news, the Bush administration's war against reality (discussed here recently) seems to have worked, according to this post at boingboing.net.

the future!

...But first, the Daily Show takes on post-debate spin in this hilarious video (click on "Principle Spinner"). In other Daily Show news, Sunday's episode of 60 Minutes will air an interview with Jon Stewart filmed just before his infamous Crossfire appearance. Here's an article about the episode, which will air this Sunday at 7 pm.

And now: the future!

i guess physics is important to him

Tuesday's the Ubyssey had an article about a man in British Columbia who is on a hunger strike until someone debunks his theory of physics which, he claims, unites quantum mechanics and general relativity. See also his vague posts on random message boards, here and here. The article reads, in part:

Until someone debunks him or gives him two years' funds to research and publish his theory, Marcus MacGregor, 34, is going on a hunger strike.

After being turned away by two professors in the University of British Columbia's Physics and Astronomy department, MacGregor began fasting.

MacGregor, who dropped out of the University of Victoria physics program and currently lives on a boat under Vancouver's Knight Street Bridge, has been unemployed for two years.

"To say I'm wrong because I'm poor stinks of class elitism, and I won't have it," he said.

(full article)

jon stewart on crossfire

Since this is everywhere else, it might as well be here too: Jon Stewart's appearance on CNN's Crossfire, which involves approximately twenty minutes of him insulting both the hosts and their show. After watching that, I'd suggest watching the Daily Show monologue in which he discusses the whole thing.

treasure

Will you be the King someday? Find out here!

aids on the path to coming into contact with ultimate reality

The five precepts of Buddhism:

1. I undertake the precept to refrain from harming living creatures.
2. I undertake the precept to refrain from taking that which is not freely given.
3. I undertake the precept to refrain from sexual misconduct.
4. I undertake the precept to refrain from incorrect speech.
5. I undertake the precept to refrain from intoxicants which lead to loss of mindfulness.

(from a Wikipedia article)

bush vs. reality

From an article in the New York Times:

In the summer of 2002, after I had written an article in Esquire that the White House didn't like about Bush's former communications director, Karen Hughes, I had a meeting with a senior adviser to Bush. He expressed the White House's displeasure, and then he told me something that at the time I didn't fully comprehend -- but which I now believe gets to the very heart of the Bush presidency.

The aide said that guys like me were "in what we call the reality-based community," which he defined as people who "believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible reality." I nodded and murmured something about enlightenment principles and empiricism. He cut me off. "That's not the way the world really works anymore," he continued. "We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality -- judiciously, as you will -- we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors . . . and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do."

Full article

you will be boiled

Have you ever been to Engrish.com? It showcases funny examples of bad English translations found in East Asia. We are always fine! everything is good.

pinochet is "demented"

The article itself isn't as exciting as the headline, but it's still good to know.

BBC News: Dementia Diagnosis for Pinochet

but seriously though

If you go to rotten.com/library, you'll see that this site has a plethora of articles on a range of surprising subjects. It includes a thorough yet succinct biography of George W Bush, as well as advice for lottery winners.

...Ok, fine, you want another Dubya biography for comparison? Try the one on his website, which seems to be a little shorter.

on livejournals

It is midterm season. Can anyone tell me how to integrate electric field over a three-dimensional Gaussian surface? Liz, I'm looking in your direction. (Who am I kidding? Liz, you're not reading this right now. Or if you are, it's like, seven weeks later.)

(Yes, I fault you for it.)

I was hanging out with some people last night, and we found out that every person in the room at the time had a livejournal. They asked me if I had one, and I said, "No." Someone else pointed out that I have a blog, describing it as "basically a livejournal." I tried to convince them that this is something different, something more than a livejournal could ever be, but no-one believed me.

At least I'm not on Friendster.

Anyway, I'm pretty bored today. Went to school, came home, ate some food. OMG, yesterday I saw Trevor at the mall, and he totally didn't even look over at me!! I couldn't believe it. I was like, OMG Trevor, what's going on?? I think he's thinking about breaking up with me. lol

pictures of circles, and other pictures

(Click for larger image)

I always get kind of excited about Belle and Sebastien until I'm actually listening to them.

But wait: here's a fun website! (Here, I mean.) It compiles the most recent photos posted by livejournal users and shows them all on one handy page, with no further thought put toward selectivity or handsome arrangement. (See pigeon example, above right.)

And then there's this other website, involving talking numbered circles. It's called Death to the Extremist, and it is in the distinct style of Dinosaur Comics.

a gopher or a hamster or something

I got back yesterday from beautiful, scenic south-suburban Ottawa. It was an appropriate time for a visit to the parents: this weekend was what is known here in Canada as "Thanksgiving", and elsewhere as "Canadian Thanksgiving".

Whilst perusing the Internets after my return, I came upon a webcomic called Patches, which I thought was funny sometimes - funny like how White Ninja is funny, except not as funny as White Ninja. Here is a particular episode of Patches which made me laugh.

And while we're on the subject of massive, free, collaboratively developed, non-profit online encyclopedias, Wikipedia.org is exactly that. All of Wikipedia's users are able to add to or edit the content of any of its articles. It is doing well so far, with over one million articles in one hundred languages (over 350 000 of those are in English), although it has been criticized for being biased toward the kinds of things that internet geeks like to talk about, like technology, science fiction, and the various substitutions for the painfully difficult and often humiliating process of human interaction (e.g., instant messaging, pornographic web sites, blogs).

pingu

I've found a poorly-translated official Pingu page, with many exciting features such as a frogger-style game, and a "crazy sledging game" that seems to consist entirely of the site "Checking your computer..."! What fun!

Pingu (above, right) was a funny claymation penguin who brought us lessons along with the laughter. He also spoke by pursing his lips/beak out in the shape of a horn. You can rent pingu videos at good video stores.

an interview

If you click here, you can read an interview I conducted with a person whose job is to test adhesive tape. (It is funny.)


The Tape Interview

Greg Dmochowski is a 21-year-old Engineering and Physics major at Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada. He is currently in a co-op semester. SmallFlightlessBird (dot) blog (dot) com spoke to him on a chill autumn day in Montreal.


SMB
Tell me who you are, and what you do.

Greg
Greg Dmochowski... I test tape.

SMB
You work for a company that makes tape?

Greg
Yes.

SMB
What kind of tape do you make?

Greg
Adhesive tape. So, hockey tape, paint tape, packaging tape... I could go on for a few hours.

SMB
What's involved in testing tape?

Greg
There're five or six standardized tests. The ones that I perform... You have a ramp with a specified height and angle, and you roll a ball down it onto the sticky side of a piece of tape, and you measure in millimeters how long it rolls, along the piece of tape. So you know, you get a range from four millimeters to like, three hundred if it goes beyond the ruler, if it's really shitty tape.
There's also UV tests, so we stick it on glass or whatever material, steel, and we expose it to hardcore UV radiation to see what the sun would do to it. They don't let me touch that though.
There's the holding power test, where you take a piece of tape, attach it onto cardboard or steel, and you hang a one kilogram weight from it, and you wait to see how long before it falls... Do you want more details?

SMB
Yes.

Greg
There's this one where we use a grocery store balance scale - you know how in a grocery store you have a scale, and the needle goes around, and you have a basket, and you put shit in it and it weighs it? We take out the basket, attach a piece of tape to an aluminum or steel plate - usually steel actually ...so if this is the plate (uses hand to represent plate), there's a piece of tape stuck this way, but the tape is twice as long as the steel thing, so you have it like this (gesture), and the other part hangs off. So we put the steel plate vertical with the piece hanging off, and the sticky side's on this side (gesture), and we pull the plate and measure the force that registers on the balance of the tape being pulled up. Does that make sense? There's a mechanism that drags this thing down, and the tape is attached to the balance scale, and you're measuring the force. Does that make sense? I could draw a diagram.

SMB
No no, that makes sense. How many times a day do you do each of these tests? Which one are you most focused on?

Greg
I do the holding power one - the one kilogram weight one, the balance scale one, the rolling ball one, which is the one where you roll the ball down it... and paint tests where we paint surfaces and we apply tape and we take it off...

SMB
Oh yeah, tell us about the paint tests.

Greg
Well, I paint the surface, I apply the tape at varying time intervals, you know, ten minutes, fifteen minutes, half an hour, forty-five minutes, an hour. You know, eliminate the variables. And then we take the piece of tape off after a certain amount of time and we see whether there's any residue left on the paint, or whether any of the paint came off.

SMB
Does it usually come off?

Greg
Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't, you know - that's the excitement of it, really. Wait, I want to answer that question, how many times a day do I perform these tests.

SMB
Yeah, how many times a day do you perform these tests.

Greg
Ok, well give me a second, I'll ballpark a figure for you. We have probably about seventy strips of tape to do three tests on each of them, and then probably another ten strips of tape to do the one test where you hang a weight down it, so it's like eighty strips of tape... Probably two hundred and thirty tests a day, give or take.

SMB
Are your fingers usually sticky at the end of the day?

Greg
No, actually it's an odd phenomenon, because we have to clean everything, right, because we have that steel plate, and if you attach a piece of tape onto it, and then take it off (because the machine rips it off), there's going to be adhesive residue stuck on it which will fuck up the result of the next one. So we clean it with MEK - MEK is methyl ethyl ketone, and this methyl ethyl ketone... it's not a crazy chemical. It really dries up your hands, but it cleans up your hands really well. So my hands aren't really sticky, they're just dry if anything. Because of the MEK.

SMB
What does it smell like?

Greg
It's a very peculiar smell, it's like... I don't know how toxic it is, but it kind of has a toxic smell to it. But not really. I don't know. I can't describe smells. Maybe like pure alcohol. Don't you remember your functional groups from chemistry? Methyl, ethyl, and ketone.

SMB
What colour paint do you use when you're painting?

Greg
Well it depends what we're doing, it depends on the application, right? We have a lot of...

SMB
When you're doing that one where you paint and then you put the tape on, and then you take the tape off.

Greg
That one, usually white. Your primers, and your kitchen and bathroom kind of thing. But there's this other test where what we do is, we apply a piece of tape on a wall, and we paint over it. And we do that one in blue, because you have to distinguish between the layers of paint. And you take the piece of tape off, and you look at how clean the edges are. To see whether it's perfectly straight.

SMB
How has this changed the way you feel about tape?

Greg
It's broadened my horizons really. I have a healthy respect for tape, and the people that make tape, and the people that research tape. And even the people that use tape. Especially the people that use tape.

SMB
The customers.

Greg
The customers. Except for those fuckers that complain, and write letters to our company, and say, (doing annoying customer voice) "I did this, and then the tape didn't work." But when you read the letter you realize that he's a jackass.

SMB
You've read these letters?

Greg
Yeah, I've read these letters - I have to test this tape, and I have to do exactly what he did and see what happens. (laughing) And obviously when you don't let the paint dry, and you apply it on the wet paint, it's obviously going to fucking stick to the tape.

SMB
Are these people generally wackos?

Greg
(thoughtful) I don't know, I don't know... The ones that I've read, yes.

SMB
What are the people that you work with like?

Greg
I work with really chill people, actually. You have an old Japanese man who's seven years past retirement, who speaks fondly of his family’s Samurai days. And a 35-year-old Slovakian guy who's really cool. And my boss is Greek, and he's a great guy too.

SMB
Do these people really care about tape, like in a personal kind of way?

Greg
The old Japanese guy, he really digs chemistry. He really digs scientific method so he gets a kick out of... Because he's the one that produces our new tape, and he's constantly on the research and development side of it. But no, today he told that me that he doesn't like tape itself, but he likes this kind of investigative work, detective work. It's almost like cooking, take a little bit of this out, put a dash of this, a pint of that... Whereas the other two guys, they don't give a fuck about testing tape. They just want to go home to their wives, or the other guy goes home to his roommates. They're not passionate about tape.

SMB
Do you wear a lab coat?

Greg
Sometimes I do, yeah.

SMB
In case you get tape on you?

Greg
(laughs) No, I do when I paint because I don't want to get paint on my clothes.

SMB
Do you have a particular fondness for any type of tape now, since you started this work?

Greg
I have a fondness for the sticky kind.

SMB
Aren't they all sticky?

Greg
No, see that's where I come in, I throw out the non-sticky kind. No, I don't really have a fondness for tape.

SMB
This ball you roll down the ramp. Is that a ball bearing?

Greg
Yes, seven sixteenths of an inch in diameter. Steel.

SMB
Is it exciting to watch the ball go down? Do you get really excited to see how far it's going to go?

Greg
Yes, actually I do. You know what's funny? For a ball that has rolled 30 mm, just over an inch, 0.01 Newtons of force have been exerted by the tape onto the ball to stop the ball from rolling.

SMB
That's a handful of Newtons.

Greg
Yeah... Not really. "A handful" implies that there's at least one.

SMB
A fraction of a handful then.

Greg
Yeah. And I actually wrote that out one day when I was testing tape, because I was kind of bored. And that's the actual number for 30 mm. Because you have the angle of the ramp, and you assume it's from rest.

SMB
You're ignoring friction on the ramp I guess.

Greg
Yeah, I can't deal with that, man. Stokes’ [Frictional Force Law], fuck that. Fuck Stokes’.

SMB
Fuck Stokes’.

Greg
Yeah.

SMB
Is there anything else about this job that's fascinating to talk about?

Greg
We've come up with thirteen minutes of non-fascinating...

SMB
Fourteen, almost.

Greg
Fourteen.

SMB
It's not fascinating for you because you do it. Everyone I've told about this gets really into it, they really want to hear more about it.

Greg
I imagine so. I think... You know, I really get a sense of pride when I'm rolling the ball down the piece of tape. I'm thinking, I am making a difference.

SMB
Do you feel like you're contributing to the overall quality of tape in the world?

Greg
Oh man, it goes beyond that. I'm contributing to scientific method, I'm contributing to research and development, and...

SMB
And to hope?

Greg
And to hope. For a better, stickier future. ...With less residue being left behind.

zoomquilt vs. fear

Two links today from boingboing.net, which is a great site.

The first is an incredible painting called "Zoomquilt" which you can scroll into and out of using the up and down arrows on your keyboard. (You might have to close the program manually [ctrl + alt + delete] afterward, because it has a problem with rendering.)

The second is a video that involves edited clips from the Republican National Convention. It is hypnotizing.

rummy un-justifies iraq war

BBC News: Rumsfeld doubts Saddam Laden link

Turns out one of Bush's main [stated] reasons for going to war - that Saddam Hussein's [non-existent] weapons of mass destruction would probably be sold to al Qaeda - was tenuous at best.

Oh well: at least we stopped him from starting to think about trying to make weapons, because maybe Osama bin Laden would have stolen them from him somehow, at some point. That would have been almost as devastating as the weapons and CIA training provided to al Qaeda by the U.S. government in the eighties!

"Yes, there are contacts between Iraq and al Qaeda."

- National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice in 2002 (Link)

awesome

Today I finally took some photos of the sword-fighting kids, as I had been planning to do. (Click here to get to the photo set)



Maybe this needs some explanation: there's a big weekly festival here in Montreal called "tam-tams", which is an onomatopoeic word used by Francophones to describe the sound a drum makes. Every summer Sunday afternoon the park at the bottom of Mont Royal fills with about a thousand hippies and regular people. Big crowds of them sit around the statue and beat on bongos and djembes, and sometimes two or three of them manage to strike their instruments at the same time. Other people sell things on blankets, juggle, or just sit around. (This will further explain it to you. Especially the photos.)

But if you push through the throng and move uphill, you'll come upon something which, for any number of reasons, you wouldn't expect to find. Here, a crowd of about eighty adolescent males (and a few females) lines up in two groups at either end of a dusty pitch the size of a soccer field. Their dress ranges from the classic black-jogging-pants-and-t-shirt combo to full-body chain mail under a fur-trimmed cape. But it's not their clothes that catch your attention: for each is carrying some variety of oversized weapon.

The swords, pikes and whatnot are handmade - usually a broomstick wrapped in plastic bags secured with duct tape. That may sound shoddy, but for the most part they are huge, ornate, and surprisingly sturdy. Although swords are the most common, I have also seen things that look like axes or ice picks, and today someone had a stick with a big block on the end. Its function was only too clear.

So once the groups are arranged, a messenger from each camp steps out a few paces and yells something insulting and French at the other group. This is the cue for everyone to start advancing toward each other; the twelve-year-olds do their best to brandish their weapons menacingly. When the two groups meet there is a flash of steel, and for the next ten minutes the air is filled with the dull slap of blade hitting flesh. The love radiating from the drum circle not three hundred meters away is eclipsed by the fierce reality of fake war.

The handful of spectators and photographers are largely ignored by the participants. When the fight is over, the dead and wounded stand up and everyone heads back to their side. Two messengers emerge soon after, and it starts all over again.

They do this for hours.

Anyway, it's all good fun, no-one gets hurt, and everyone involved seems to get a kick out of it. If you're ever in town on a Sunday during the warmer months, I'd recommend going out to have a look. The photos are good, but they're nothing like seeing the real thing.

bike-fixing class

Last night I dreamt that I was back in elementary school, starting a semester wherein I needed to complete a couple credits that McGill said I was missing. I was standing at my locker on the first day when I looked down at my schedule, which was full of classes about fixing bikes.

There was also a part about a swimming pool, and another part involving me driving past a funeral in a scene straight out of Harold and Maude.

Also, I watched Harold and Maude last night, and it was really good.

Oh, and: read this one comic, it's funny.

one secret

"We live only one real day, during which we recall false memories of living many more."

"Is it today?"

"No."

(a lesson is learned)

ceci changera tout

It's quite nice to hear Julie Doiron play music. She did so this evening. If you'd like, you can go to her website, juliedoiron.com, and read about her and listen to her music. Here's a direct link to a song called Ce Charmant Coeur.